Dear Richard: My mother forces me to sleep on the sofa whenever I stay over

My younger brother’s bedroom is completely empty, but she insists its ‘his room’ and I can’t stay there

My mother owns a flat in London. She has three sons, of whom I am the eldest. My youngest brother is 26 – 10 years younger than me. Due to the age gap, for much of the time she has lived in this flat, the second bedroom has been ‘his’ room and while he lived at home, if  I wanted to stay, I would have to sleep on the sofa, which I thought was reasonable.
However, he has now not lived at home for many years: first being away at university, now living and working overseas. Yet my mother has kept the room as it was when he lived with her, and she is adamant that it is still “his room, and that I should still sleep on the sofa if I visit, whether he’s there or not. Given we are both grown men, I think this is pretty absurd. I left home at 18 and “my” room (in the same flat) was converted into her dressing room. Do you think my position is so unreasonable?
— Jonathan, via telegraph.co.uk
No, but I think you should choose your battles. For a start, you’re unlikely to win this one. Your mother is clearly adamant on the subject: her baby boy gets to keep his room, pretty much in perpetuity. She’s not going to change her mind just because you’re irritated by the situation. I foresee pointless, unresolved conflict if you decide to take her on about it.
Secondly, Jonathan – it is, after all, her flat, not yours. Frankly, if she wanted to allocate that bedroom exclusively to her cat and canary, she could – it’s her property to do with as she chooses.
Thirdly, why is this such a big deal? If you had suddenly found yourself destitute and homeless, and needed the long-term shelter of your mother’s roof, then I can see why having to sleep on the sofa when your kid brother was overseas and ‘his’ bedroom was available might be irksome. But we’re only talking about the occasional visit, right? Does it really matter all that much, in the grand scheme of things?
If you’re truly determined to push forward on this, then here’s what I suggest. Call or email your brother. Ask if he’s prepared to tell your mum that he’s perfectly happy for you to sleep in “his” room while he’s overseas. (I can’t think why he’d object.) If she hears it from him, she may soften her stance.
But honestly, Jonathan, try not to get hung up on this. Points of principle are the very devil in family relationships. Bottom line: allow your mother her eccentricities. Try not to take them personally. And remember – as I say – it is her flat! 
You can find more of Richard Madeley’s advice here or submit your own dilemma below.